Part 1

Part 0 can be found here.

[Note to reader & disclaimer: as this series is comprised of excerpts from a book draft, is it not meant to be complete. Some ideas will be developed and others will be left for a later time. Moreover, some of you who are familiar with my work will wonder why I am not covering a certain concept or other. I am leaving pieces out intentionally. however, it is my hope that in revealing these excerpts free to you, that these I.D.E.A.s may begin to make a difference in your life…even now.]

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Living consciously is an infinite and life-time endeavor. Often in the West we think of being “conscious OR unconscious”. That is, we are one or the other. And, unless we are asleep or in a coma, we are thought to be “conscious”. Are we really? How many of our actions are conscious? How much of our existence is managed consciously? Do you order yourself to breathe every breath? Think every thought? Make every movement? Of course not. And it would be impossible to do so. Our conscious minds are not equipped to manage the millions of actions that are taking place at the cellular and molecular level. It is a good thing that this is all happening “unconsciously”.

What about those things we are supposed to be consciously controlling or at least consciously aware of? Driving, walking, eating, making love, conversing, our surroundings…have you ever been driving on the freeway and passed your familiar exit and it was miles before you realized it? We all have. Have you ever been driving, arrived at work or home and can not remember large portions of your drive because you were lost in thoughts? We all have.

However, living consciously is not just about being aware and being “present to” your surroundings or what is happening, although that is certainly part of it and good practice for your mind. A practice we will cover later. And it is not a binary experience—not digital, but rather it is analog. That is, it is not a question of whether we are living consciously or not, but to what degree.

Living consciously is about making conscious choices; choices that will increase the likelihood of our long-term happiness regardless of [and at times, in spite of] our short-term desires. In order to do this we must first define our values consciously. This is simple and easy enough to do, but is seldom actually done. How does one define their values? Define is actually less accurate than “discover” or “distinguish”. We can do this by asking ourselves a simple question repeatedly:

The type of answer we are looking for will be an abstraction—a nominalization—that is, it will be a process stated as a noun. Some examples are:

• Contribution
• Family
• Security
• Prosperity
• Love
• Freedom

I am not sure what they are for you, but we will soon discover them. The type of answer we are not looking for is a static noun. Examples are:

• Money
• Cars
• A big house
• My own company
• A retirement fund
• A graduate education

There is nothing wrong with these things, but they are not values—they are manifestations or the realization of values. However, we can discover values through them. There are two questions that will do this. Let’s say that all I can think of are answers that are static nouns—tangible “things”—for instance, a “big house”. I then ask myself:

• What is important to me about a big house? Or;
• What do I get though having a big house?

Sometimes it is necessary to ask the question repeatedly, but invariably—eventually–, we will reach a high enough level of abstraction or generalization to have distinguished a value. List out 5 to 10 values.

Pause and do it now.

We can also do this contextually, not just generally. For instance, I recommend to all of my clients that before they commit to a romantic relationship they elicit their values for relating or for relationships. As an act of getting to know one another, [early on in dating or courtship] they should ask the other person the same questions. If the top 3 values are not aligned—or worse, are in direct conflict—the relationship will eventually lead to misery regardless of how much attraction, chemistry, or love is present, for our relationship values will never be fulfilled. So while we may be crazy about the person, something will be missing or be downright maddening to us. However, that is another story for another time.

If our career or our job does not fulfill out top values, we can never be truly happy and fulfilled, regardless of how much money we make or how much prestige we enjoy. To solve this, of course, is one of the aims of this writing.

Another benefit is that once we have defined our values, indecision or internal conflict lessens, for if we have multiple choices, and we are uncertain how to act—that is which to choose—we need only refer to our values and see which choice is most in alignment with our values, or which choice fulfills the greatest number of our values, or which choice fulfills the highest ranked value.

Once our values have been brought into conscious awareness, our next step is to examine all of our choices. The foods we eat. The liquids we drink. The choices we make in friendships and other relationships. The job we have and the career path we are on. The clothes we buy. The sex we have—and those we have it with. The car we buy. The town we live in. What our spiritual beliefs are—have they been handed down from our parents and grandparents and accepted blindly as truth, or have they been examined, understood, and then chosen…consciously? Do the choices we make daily support our ultimate happiness and thrival? That is–long-term. Or are they momentary desires and supporting our short-term wants? Some combination of both? Either way, what is important is whether the choices are conscious ones. The law of nature will do the rest and your choices will automatically be appropriate ones if they are conscious and they are in alignment with our values, which come from your highest [or deepest] self.

All too often, we drop into negative habit patterns out of comfort, expediency, out of a lack of mindfulness, or out of sheer laziness. We all do in some contexts to some degree. Noticing it when we do and exerting the effort to shift the pattern or dynamic we have created for ourselves is part of living consciously.

Are we being run by our body and our unconscious desires? Or are we being guided by our mind and informed by our values?

To begin building the muscle of mindfulness and awareness, make a commitment right now to take 30 minutes every day and begin self-observation. When you eat, be aware of the food coming to your mouth and the operation of your hands—actually feel the muscles working—and the sensations in your mouth. Chew carefully and intentionally. When you are walking, place your feet with intentionality walking mindfully. When you are dialoguing with someone and you have a quick retort, pause, consider your outcome in the conversation, and then choose your words and the frame in which you offer them and then speak [or write if it is email].

How specifically shall we develop this ability?

[portions of the following text can also be found in Emotional Freedom]

Once we make the commitment to live consciously, the next step is to develop the skills and build the muscle of mental facility and agility in a particular way. Then we must accept and educate ourselves to the fact that our experience is not some amorphous mass—that it has structure.

This is 1 part education and once educated, 100 parts exercise and daily practice.

To develop this muscle of facility, one must first develop the foundational skill of self-observation or self-reflexive awareness. This is not [just] the ability to self-examine—that is to examine one’s past choices or behaviors after gathering feedback and being truthful about one’s character, faults, and achievements. While an important exercise, that is not what we are discussing here. Self-reflexive awareness is about being able to experience the self from a detached place of observation in the moment, moment to moment…even now.

We all have this ability, but seldom exercise it, or exercise it poorly…or worse, exercise it to our detriment by using it as a tool to loop on our less desirable behaviors and judge or shame [shame is covered in later installments] ourselves—thereby destroying any possibility of receiving the gift. I have even seen some begin to hate their mind—hate the way they think about something—because they have yet to harness their mind and use it for their own benefit. It is important to do this with evenly hovering awareness—an awareness free from judgments of value and worth.
Let us practice together.

Even now, as you are sitting at your computer, and you are reading the words on the screen, you can begin to notice that…now…you can imagine the back of your head. And as you experience that, you can notice that… now…you can project your consciousness even further and imagine yourself, now, from across the room. See yourself…now…sitting at the computer “down there” or “over there”. And now, having experienced this, you can begin to practice it daily; observe yourself at the grocery store.

Observe yourself on the public transit. Observe yourself while you are talking to someone on the telephone. Observe your physical self. [I do not recommend doing this while driving—in fact, I warn against it].

Now let’s turn that same skill toward our thinking—our mental self—and see how our thinking creates our emotional experiences at the gross level.

[In later installments we will explore the subtler levels].
Some call this “meta-cognition”, or the ability to think about our thinking…

intra-personal dynamics, spirituality