Stages of Evolution. Waves of unfolding. The spiral.

You are familiar with the holonic stages ::: from pre-personal to personal to trans-personal; from body/physical to mind/mental/intellectual to Spiritual; from ego-centric to ethno-centric/Nationalistic to World-centric/global. From pre-rational to rational to trans-rational.

:::

From vengeance to justice to Grace.

From your emotions running you to having choice around your emotional reactions to achieving a place of actual freedom; from crawling to walking to running.

Stages of ever increasing inclusiveness. Stages of ever-increasing whole-ness. Levels of ever-increasing expansiveness.

Now, in the first paragraph, replace “to” with “transcending, and then including”. You see, these are ever expanding holonic spheres. And part of the healthy spiral or waves, if they are to be healthy and not hobbled by pathology, is not “transcend, and then deny” it is “transcend and include”.

Part of the Integral, or in Spiral Dynamics [henceforth "SD"] Yellow, or second tier, SD7, SDi, is being able to call upon the entire first tier, as need be. As the context calls for it. To have the behavioral and situational flexibility to realize which memetic code you are dealing with and address it at its level, and if it serves, to give it the egoic and emotional “food” to go the next stage.

You may be asking ::: So f***ing what, Jason?!

There is this myth that you are not supposed to be angry. Or have “lower chakra” drives [sex, for example] or that you are somehow immune to emotional injury. The truth is that this is…well, myth. What is true is that you are more free from identification with any of those things. You are free to choose. You notice your sensations to be sure. They pass through quickly. Or as I like to say ::: it hurts more, but you care less.

But what a whole class of developmental organizations and schools of thought have implied is that you should not feel these things–and thereby causing people to become disembodied. They are walking heads. Their body is just a vehicle to get them to meetings. They are over weight. They perhaps even have addictions. They do not admit their emotional aspects that are “negative” and they are attempting to “just” be Spiritual [skipping the material/rational/Just/monetary]; they are attempting to skip stages.

This is impossible without significant pathology developing.

Just try and have an infant run before they can walk. See how far they get. The bump on their head is a great metaphor for the pathology created. Skipping rungs on the ladder of the development of their consciousness. It amuses me. People attempting to transcend to the spiritual “plane” before they’ve even figured out how to move the furniture around on the material plane.

And it saddens me, because they are not fully alive. To be fully alive, our chakras [for lack of a better label] should be firing all at once. ALL fully open and alive. All flowing with the energy of Spirit. Life force.

AND, at some level/stage, you have enough choice to be responsible with those energetic flows and not get them on other people, in an irresponsible way.

However, what is means to you [especially at SD7 or beyond] is that you are able to call upon whatever is required. Outcome. Context. Efficacy. If what is required is love and Grace [trans-rational] then you call upon those capacities you have developed; if justice is required you call upon the levers of justice/courts/legislation [and a lawyer/practitioner if need be]; if brute force is put upon you, then perhaps equal or greater force is what is required–and if need be, you call upon those capacities.

So think we should not consider those as options when “higher” solutions are ineffective is at least naive.

It is a bill of goods sold to us by people attempting to sell one-step transformation. One-step enlightenment. One weekend “breakthroughs” to X, Y, or Z. Well intended people attempting to change your life setting you up, quite unknowingly, to compare yourself to some imagined ideal. One-step. Only people who have practiced, meditated, or whatever for years get to say that “trying to be enlightened is like trying to get a left foot”. You already have it. Right. After 20 years of daily practice they tell you it is one step.

What you get in an experience like that is a peek and a peak at what is possible for you. This, is good. It is a picture of the next camp or the summit perhaps. And after the buzz of the workshop or the retreat wears off, you are faced with being in the same old place again. How long does it take? 3 weeks?

So settle in. Enjoy the view of the peak. Use it as a goal. Or as Mr Mark Michael Lewis says, use it as a guiding light, not a whipping post. And allow the stages to unfold. Allow your depth to become ever-increassingly more exposed. Allow the rose that is your soul to open to to all that is. To your divinity.

And know, it is a lot of work. And that is good. Building muscles does not happen over night. And nor should it.

So settle in to your daily practice. Whatever it may be. I have two I recommend ::: vipassanna meditation and Core Transformation. Use them. Use them well. Use them daily.

Yours in Evolution,

Jason

One of the aspects of working on and in the context of personal evolution is that I am constantly in evolution in both senses of the word–”in it”, as in exploring the context and in the process of my own personal evolution as well–because you see, it is never over. Our evolution, which is really about allowing the greatest depths of ourselves to unfold and manifest in the world, is never over–because our depths are infinite. If who we are is a manifestation of the divine–an outpouring of Spirit, and the Kingdom of God is Within [and I believe it is] than there is no end to uncovering, clearing, and allowing that beauty to unfold in the world.

And I never ask my clients to do anything I have not done myself and am applying in my own life. Period. As such, this post is a little more personal for me to demonstrate that.

After my divorce, and the year long self-reflection that followed, I realized that for the most part, what consistently happened in my romantic relating was a zero-sum type of dynamic. That at the end of my relationship with a woman, she was tangibly more empowered, more comfortable with herself, more fully embodied, and proud of her womanhood.

Partly because it was my constant practice to be sure she felt loved, had per positive qualities acknowledged somehow on an actual daily basis [not the same ones, but what authentically struck me in the moment as I appreciated her at some point], that she not only had a daily reminder, with full connection and presence of my love for her [and what I loved about her and why] but that she blushed with my acknowledgments.

It was conscious. Intentional. And the relating really cost me dearly. I was psychically drained, more dis-empowered, and frankly, less of a man by the end. It was, in fact, a zero-sum game.

It was not the things I was doing that drained me. They were rewarding to just do it. It was the lack of any reciprocal expression, I think. And I other things they did that I lacked facility around.

The contrast had never been so great than after my divorce–and the dynamics never so clear as in that marriage.

Now, I never planned it that way, but once I noticed it after the divorce, I ended up having a zero-tolerance policy for romantic relating that was not about synergistic upward spirals where both people were winning–and the relating was winning too. A triple win game. Both parties were winning–AND the actual relating was winning too. It is healthier for me to just be alone and fully empowered McClain-Ness than to be in unfulfilling and relating that ultimately cost me energetically. Although it took me a while to adjust to that, and sadly there was one relationship in which she ended up being drained…but it is all a process–and sometimes that is about the pendulum swinging the other way before it swings back the middle to finally rest upon the golden mean.

But back to zero-sum…

Let’s face it–people who have little or no self-respect choose bad and even abusive relationships over being alone. Me? I would rather wake up alone, be in the company of just myself, than be in an unhealthy or un-fulfilling relationship. And I never have [and never will] just go from one relationship to another. Takes at least 6 months or so for self-reflection and the integration of the learnings before we can be responsible with another’s heart, But that is all romantic…

Six years later, I am just now getting to really make sure that is generalized into all relating–not just romantic.

This is all part of how I have been consciously going through ALL of my friendships, free of sentimentality or attachment, and shrewdly examining if they are rich, dynamic, healthy, and fulfilling–or if they are just habits. And then explicitly ending the friendship or deepening and continuing the friendship with more connection, engagement, and intentionality. Regardless of how much I love the individual I am in the friendship with I may be ending. The relating must also be fulfilling. and one of the most important things for me that has the relating fulfilling is emotional engagement…rather than fear and detachment. But real engagement–yet also free of identification or enmeshment.

SOMETIMES that means me making decisions for other people when their relating with me is not serving THEM. I used to refuse to do so, thinking I was availing them of the growth opportunity to declare boundaries, make those choices themselves, develop confidence in communicating their needs, etc. But given that most people are deficient in true esteem for the self, and self-respect [part of which is demonstrated by drawing boundaries] is one of the core components of esteem for the self [along with self-efficacy] but I stopped doing that. I am now quite comfortable making choices for others when they continually demonstrate they incompetent to do for themselves–so long as it is about relating with me.

That is quite enough of the why and the what. But what about the “how” Jason?

It is all about values and forms.

One of the exercises I have clients do in Phase 2 of the Personal Evolution program [and occasionally in the professional evolution program as well] is a full life, all context examination of what is important to them [values] and how they would know if it were being experienced by them; what would they be seeing, feeling hearing, doing, and experiencing that would prover to them they were experiencing value X, Y, or Z? Conflict often happens in the form [which is why politicians are scant on policy papers before the election]. Values [freedom, security, justice] are things that everyone can agree on–we all want that. The HOW of carrying them out? Conflict arises sure as the sun also rises.

So in seeking friendships or romantic relating, it is not enough to express that “communication” is important to us. For some that will mean asking about your day. For others that will mean that if you are bothered by something, no matter how small, you share your internal process. Communication is the value, but the form is different.

Anytime we are upset, barring an unresolved event from the past or a pervasive self-esteem issue, we must look to values. So this becomes a tool for elegant communication to have your needs expressed [and met] as well. One that avoids conflict or having the other person be wrong. One that has intimacy and a deeper level of understanding arise.

But that is a story for another time.

For now, do this:

Take 3 major contexts in your life [romantic, career, community] as ask your self what is important to you in those contexts. You will know it is a “value” if it is conceptual, abstract. If you can put it in a wheelbarrow or touch it or smell it, it is NOT a value, but a form. To “chunk up” higher to the value, ask, “what’s important to me about that?” If you are looking at forms, then it MUST be able to be put in a wheelbarrow–measured, touched, observed. If it can not, and it is an abstract value, then you can “chunk down” to the form by asking, “If I were experiencing _______ how would I know? What would I be seeing, feeling, hearing? What would my evidence be?”

I recommend 3 to 5 values in each context. And for each value, 3 forms or pieces of tangible evidence of that value being realized in the context.

The truth is that if you do this exercise, you might be terribly confronted by the relationship or the career you are in–or you will be relieved to have a conscious and explicit answer as to why you are not fulfilled–or you are drained, or their is conflict you can not understand.

If you are not in one of those context currently [you are single, or you are laid off, or looking for a gig] then this becomes a wonderful tool to overlay onto the person or organization. So you can consciously choose a relationship or organization that truly and consciously suits your values. Otherwise, the spiritual costs are immeasurable. No matter how great the compensation package, or how much chemistry, the spiritual costs of un-fulfilling contexts [where your values are not fulfilled] are immeasurable.

At the same time, be cautious that you are assessing others *through time*. If you only have a snap shot of them, and you are saying they do not suit you personally or professionally, you may be more living out a stage 1, low self-esteem ego game by being right and “justified” than by actually seeing a conflict of values, but that is also another story for another time.

Choose the conscious, fulfilling path. I beg of you, for you and for your Spiritual expression. while this may seem liek a lot of work, it is even more of a burden–and more insidiously so–to be in unfulfilling contexts.

So, ask yourself ::: are you in a habit, or in a relationship?

One of the aspects of working on and in the context of personal evolution is that I am constantly in evolution in both senses of the word–”in it”, as in exploring the context and in the process of my own personal evolution as well–because you see, it is never over. Our evolution, which is really about allowing the greatest depths of ourselves to unfold and manifest in the world, is never over–because our depths are infinite. If who we are is a manifestation of the divine–an outpouring of Spirit, and the Kingdom of God is Within [and I believe it is] than there is no end to uncovering, clearing, and allowing that beauty to unfold in the world.

After my divorce, and the year long self-reflection that followed, I realized that for the most part, what consistently happened in my romantic relating was a zero-sum type of dynamic. That at the end of my relationship with a woman, she was tangibly more empowered, more comfortable with herself, more fully embodied, and more tangibly sexual and proud of her womanhood.

Partly because it was my constant practice to be sure she felt loved, had per positive qualities acknowledged somehow on an actual daily basis [not the same ones, but what authentically struck me in the moment as I appreciated her at some point], that she not only had a daily reminder, with full connection and presence of my love for her [and what I loved about her and why] but that she blushed with my acknowledgments.

It was conscious. Intentional. And the relating really cost me dearly. I was psychically drained, more dis-empowered, and frankly, less of a man by the end. It was, in fact, a zero-sum game.

It was not the things I was doing that drained me. They were rewarding to just do it. It was the lack of any reciprocal expression, I think. And I other things they did that I lacked facility around.

Now, I never planned it that way, but once I noticed it after the divorce, I ended up having a zero-tolerance policy for romantic relating that was not about synergistic upward spirals where both people were winning–and the relating was winning too. A triple win game. Both parties were winning–AND the actual relating was winning too. It is healthier for me to just be alone and fully empowered McClain-Ness than to be in unfulfilling and relating that ultimately cost me energetically. Although it took me a while to adjust to that, and sadly there was one relationship in which she ended up being drained…but it is all a process–and sometimes that is about the pendulum swinging the other way before it swings back the middle to finally rest upon the golden mean.

But back to zero-sum…

Let’s face it–people who have little or no self-respect choose bad and even abusive relationships over being alone. Me? I would rather wake up alone, be in the company of just myself, and be engaged in seeming excessive m^sturb^ti^n than be in an unhealthy or un-fulfilling relationship. Hehehe. And I never have [and never will] just go from one relationship to another. But that is all romantic…

I am just now getting to really make sure that is generalized into all relating–not just romantic.

This is all part of how I have been consciously going through ALL of my friendships, free of sentimentality or attachment, and shrewdly examining if they are rich, dynamic, healthy, and fulfilling–or if they are just habits. And then explicitly ending the friendship or deepening and continuing the friendship with more connection, engagement, and intentionality. Regardless of how much I love the individual I am in the friendship with I may be ending. The relating must also be fulfilling. and one of the most important things for me that has the relating fulfilling is emotional engagement…rather than fear and detachment. But real engagement–yet also free of identification or enmeshment…but enough about what’s important to me…

SOMETIMES that means me making decisions for other people when their relating with me is not serving THEM. I used to refuse to do so, thinking I was availing them of the growth opportunity to declare boundaries, make those choices themselves, develop confidence in communicating their needs, etc. But given that most people are deficient in true esteem for the self, and self-respect [part of which is demonstrated by drawing boundaries] is one of the core components of esteem for the self [along with self-efficacy] but I stopped doing that. I am now quite comfortable making choices for others when they continually demonstrate they incompetent to do for themselves–so long as it is about relating with me.

That is quite enough of the why and the what. But what about the “how” Jason?

It is all about values and forms.

One of the exercises I have clients do in Phase 2 of the Personal Evolution program [and occasionally in the professional evolution program as well] is a full life, all context examination of what is important to them [values] and how they would know if it were being experienced by them; what would they be seeing, feeling hearing, doing, and experiencing that would prover to them they were experiencing value X, Y, or Z? Conflict often happens in the form [which is why politicians are scant on policy papers before the election]. Values [freedom, security, justice] are things that everyone can agree on–we all want that. The HOW of carrying them out? Conflict arises sure as the sun also rises.

So in seeking friendships or romantic relating, it is not enough to express that “communication” is important to us. For some that will mean asking about your day. For others that will mean that if you are bothered by something, no matter how small, you share your internal process. Communication is the value, but the form is different.

Anytime we are upset, barring an unresolved event from the past or a pervasive self-esteem issue, we must look to values. So this becomes a tool for elegant communication to have your needs expressed [and met] as well. One that avoids conflict or having the other person be wrong. One that has intimacy and a deeper level of understanding arise.

But that is a story for another time.

For now, do this:

Take 3 major contexts in your life [romantic, career, community] as ask your self what is important to you in those contexts. You will know it is a “value” if it is conceptual, abstract. If you can put it in a wheelbarrow or touch it or smell it, it is NOT a value, but a form. To “chunk up” higher to the value, ask, “what’s important to me about that?” If you are looking at forms, then it MUST be able to be put in a wheelbarrow–measured, touched, observed. If it can not, and it is an abstract value, then you can “chunk down” to the form by asking, “If I were experiencing _______ how would I know? What would I be seeing, feeling, hearing? What would my evidence be?”

I recommend 3 to 5 values in each context. And for each value, 3 forms or pieces of tangible evidence of that value being realized in the context.

The truth is that if you do this exercise, you might be terribly confronted by the relationship or the career you are in–or you will be relieved to have a conscious and explicit answer as to why you are not fulfilled–or you are drained, or their is conflict you can not understand.

If you are not in one of those context currently [you are single, or you are laid off, or looking for a gig] then this becomes a wonderful tool to overlay onto the person or organization. So you can consciously choose a relationship or organization that truly and consciously suits your values. Otherwise, the spiritual costs are immeasurable. No matter how great the compensation package, or how much chemistry, the spiritual costs of un-fulfilling contexts [where your values are not fulfilled] are immeasurable.

Choose the conscious, fulfilling path. I beg of you, for you and for your Spiritual expression. And as you choose to do that, ask yourself::: are you in a habit, or in a relationship?

Imagine being confused when someone asks you if you took something
personally. Authentically confused–as in, that interpretation is
actually confusing to you.

Imagine being free–finally–from the opinions of others defining
who you are.

Imagine when the sh** comes down in your life there is just the
sh** to deal with and your mind is fully in service–it is your
slave, rather than you being enslaved and imprisoned by your own
mind. I do not mean just in a specific context–personal evolution
is not context dependent as in a piece of change–but a core level
of evolution such that your natural emotional responses are more
free–in every context.

Imagine “reframing” being unnecessary–unnecessary because the
reframe is the frame that naturally arises.

Our ego and our emotions evolve in stages. Greater and greater
expanse. Ever-increasing levels of freedom. Wider and wider embrace
of all that arises–moment to moment.

This is important to you because your stage will determine how you
interpret events as well as your emotional reaction before any
re-framing can occur. In other words, it is what governs your
relationship to interacting with the world and yourself. As I like
to say, it is only important if you interact with yourself–or
others.

Let’s accelerate the process of movement through the egoic stages
so we can play more, love deeper, laugh longer–and hurt for only
as long as is necessary for us to learn what we must learn to
deepen our experience of ourselves.

And isn’t that what it’s all for anyway?

Because who we are is pure divinity. Pure Spirit. “God/dess”
manifest. Yet our particular manifestation is clouded.

As you touch your hand to your heart you may begin to feel Divinity
waiting, wanting to come out and play. Release your divinity.

Your Personal Evolution is the gateway.

Fuller, more grounded details [including when and where] click HERE.

What: Free Intro to Personal Evolution | The Evolutionary Ego
When: Tuesday June 23rd, 7:15pm
Where: 582 Market Street || 10th Floor Conference Room || San Francisco CA

Full Other-Flavored Details click HERE.

One of the CLC3 Apprentices recently asked me a very important question.

He asked about the problem of becoming attached to the outcomes of the client–in other words, “what happens if they do not achieve them? What happens if they do not hold up their end of the bargain [doing homework, reading, etc.], and what does that mean about us? How do I avoid this problem—and the discomfort of it all”.

“And what happens if–even worse, they have already paid in advance in full and it becomes clear they are not keeping up with the milestones that are necessary as sign-posts on the way to their destination we call ‘goals’ or ‘outcomes’? What do we do?”

This is an important question and it has a several-part answer. It is important because it comes up for most coaches and practitioners; at some point you really, really want XYZ for the client. Yes, they must be outcomes the client wants [not outcomes you see they "need" but they do not resonate with] but even still, with their outcomes we get emotionally engaged–we care–and we want them to have XYZ really badly.

Part of the challenge is that we are not responsible for the lives of our clients–we can’t be. They would get less out of the process if we were; at best, we would actually be inhibiting their growth if we take on that responsibility. They might blame us; they would take less responsibility for creating the life they want and deserve. It could become the coaches “fault” or for some, the coaching [or whatever you call the process] will be just another thing that did not work for them, etc.

And we created that with our attachment.

So the first part of the answer is to make clear to the client–practically–that they are not responsible for their life; that they are. How do we do this? We write it directly into the client-coach agreement that they “are responsible for the results of their life, business, relationship”, etc. And given how some people can be when they are making large life-altering decisions, we review the agreement and then we further clarify and have them initial each paragraph while reviewing it with them to make sure we have done our due diligence as a practitioner in making sure they understand the nature of the relationship is one of trusted adviser–nothing more—and that they understand the agreement in full.

That is the practical aspect.

What about the interpersonal aspect? The actual coaching dynamic? Because you see, to complicate matters if you seem attached [that is you start become emotionally attached to their outcomes, you may engage them in a way that has them polarize, dig in, and resist you--and they start to resist you in ways that will not serve the process overall.

Or worse...

Or worse--they do not do their "homework"--whatever that may be or represent--and they are scared to tell you. In the worse cases they may simply go missing in action. Or they become dishonest.

This is simply another reason I am not a "coach" I am a "Guide" and that approach is something I am careful to embody in every interaction--they do not do their "homework" I communicate to them--with a compassionate smile and a shrug--that I want them to get their outcomes. That I care; and I may even ask them how they best want to be supported. How they want to be held accountable--and I have them design the dynamic.

I have found this softer approach--with nothing for them to resist or push back against--is far more effective than any hard-nosed techniques by far.

Finally [and at times most importantly] is our own development as we, as practitioners, continue our path: who we are is not the results we assist clients in achieving [both positive, amazing over-the-top goals as well as “failures”. Who we are is not that.

Those are the results we assist them in producing, to be sure, and we are professionally responsible for that, but who we are is that which is experiencing it all. Who we are is that Witness; that locus of awareness. And as we come from that place, we will be even more effective, they will feel more freedom to expand and grow within that gentle, ever-present embrace. From that place, where universal beauty unfolds, we are reminded why we do what we do–for that expansion. And within that expansion a better, more joyous, more beautiful world awaits us all.

Over at the Ultimate Self Blog,  Liliane Rausch muses about unconditional love and asks:

Correct me if I am wrong, but we all want to be loved unconditionally. According to Maslow, our primary needs in life are food, shelter and safety and I agree, but how about adding unconditional love to that list? Isn’t it the best thing in the world to be accepted for whom U are, even when that special person in your life finds out all of our not-so-very-nice-and-cute habits?

And ends with this query:

When and how does unconditional love and friendship become conditional?

I think both questions are worth exploring. For me, the answer to the first is pretty straight forward: unconditional love is a kind of emotional safety. It provides food and shelter for our hearts, in a way. That safety is something we can relax into, and then expand into. Something that allows us to unfold–and assists us in exposing more of our Divine Self [or Ultimate Self, if you prefer].

And yes, Maslow seemed to be missing that one.

Sadly, though, it takes an advanced stage of egoic development for all love to not be transactional or conditional. For most, if they do XYZ, we stop loving them–until we reach an integral [or beyond] stage of egoic emotional development, where we can separate the door from the heart–if they abuse you, or simply do something you can not tolerate, you may leave out of self respect, but you can still love them unconditionally. That is an advanced stage of development.

So I would turn the question on its head: under what conditions can love become unconditional? How do we develop ourselves such that a stage of loving is possible where it is not tied to performance, mood, or goods. And once that is answered, how do we accelerate the process for ourselves and others–in service of creating a better world?

That is the place we should all strive to get to [and deepen to].

Imagine…someone comes into your home. They take a look around, and they have a very compelling appearance, and they are effective at demonstrating their care and concern for your well-being and the stability of your house. They look about and they say, “I would like to help you—I am a servant to the public. I notice this plate up here on your shelf is cracked. I can fix that for you—that is what I am here to do.”

They reach up, they take the plate off the shelf, and they open their hand so it falls to the floor and smashes to pieces.

“Oops”, they say, “those damn plate manufacturers! I can fix that for you…”

You, not really understanding gravity, say to them, “okay. I mean, you’re a public servant and all. Here: lemme give you the keys to my fine china cabinet so you can make sure all the plates have been manufactured according to reasonable standards…”

They take the keys, saying that is what you asked them here for in the first place, they take all the plates out and smash them one by one to the ground, and then, they declare with great indignation that they will hold public meetings to see just who caused this, and then they offer the manufactures some of your money to help them, since, you know, with all these plates breaking, their business seems to need some assistance.

You, feeling a bit confused mumble that you don’t really remember asking them here at all, but shrug it off, thinking they must be well intentioned, being a servant to the public and all…and so you, feeling delighted someone is taking your interests to heart, donate some money to the servant’s organization, and ask them to come back from time to time to make sure those darn manufactures are being kept in line.

And then, the servant’s organization hires one of the manufacture’s CEOs to help them design better policy to keep them in line. After they donate a very large sum of money to the servant’s organization—with no expectation of that influencing them, of course. That would be…well, unconscionable, they say with practiced righteous indignation.

One of the most unfortunate products of ignorance in our constitutional republic is the politicization of economics.

It is this Party’s or that Party’s “fault” for some economic crisis, recession, or a sector’s collapse. This is unfortunate because if there is one aspect of our culture that is truly bi-partisan it is economic policies, passed as feel-good measures, or patron pay-offs that will predictably lead to an eventual collapse.

This is further FED [no pun intended, but I’ll take it] by the ignorance of the populace when it comes to natural economic laws, which are as sound as the laws of physics—and equally as magical seeming to most due to [and sadly I have to repeat it] ignorance. Ignorance of not only history, which is a common and not-oft-enough area to educate people in, but also of economic cycles, the role of government, the efficacy of policy initiatives, and the confusion of what we wish were so and actual reality.

[to be cotinued in the coming weeks]…

Imagine being confused when someone asks you if you took something
personally. Authentically confused–as in, that interpretation is
actually confusing to you.

Imagine being free–finally–from the opinions of others defining
who you are.

Imagine when the sh** comes down in your life there is just the
sh** to deal with and your mind is fully in service–it is your
slave, rather than you being enslaved and imprisoned by your own
mind. I do not mean just in a specific context–personal evolution
is not context dependent as in a piece of change–but a core level
of evolution such that your natural emotional responses are more
free–in every context.

Imagine “reframing” being unnecessary–unnecessary because the
reframe is the frame that naturally arises.

Our ego and our emotions evolve in stages. Greater and greater
expanse. Ever-increasing levels of freedom. Wider and wider embrace
of all that arises–moment to moment.

This is important to you because your stage will determine how you
interpret events as well as your emotional reaction before any
re-framing can occur. In other words, it is what governs your
relationship to interacting with the world and yourself. As I like
to say, it is only important if you interact with yourself–or
others.

Let’s accelerate the process of movement through the egoic stages
so we can play more, love deeper, laugh longer–and hurt for only
as long as is necessary for us to learn what we must learn to
deepen our experience of ourselves.

And isn’t that what it’s all for anyway?

Because who we are is pure divinity. Pure Spirit. “God/dess”
manifest. Yet our particular manifestation is clouded.

As you touch your hand to your heart you may begin to feel Divinity
waiting, wanting to come out and play. Release your divinity.

Your Personal Evolution is the gateway.

Fuller, more grounded details [including when and where] click HERE.

What: Free Intro to Personal Evolution | The Evolutionary Ego
When: Tuesday May 19th, 7:15pm
Where: 582 Market Street  ||  10th Floor Conference Room  ||  San Francisco CA

Full Other-Flavored Details click  HERE.

Daniel from Portugal [http://yogaportugal.com] writes:

I am really loving [Evolutionary Sales] it has turn my world around, I am listening to them in order and I am now on ES012 so if the next 2 two question I have for you have already been answered on the show I would appreciate it if you could direct me to it.

The idea of an integrity and service-based sale is one that I even without knowing had been searching for quite some time, I am very glad I have found you.

Glad you are finding it of value.

As I said I have two questions that have been haunting me.

1. What if when talking to someone you are trying to sell to you realize that the person doesn’t need the product you are selling? You make it seem like it is always a matter of the right context and the right motivational techniques.

I walk away from the sale. I tell them I do not think it is a fit or that it will not serve them. It is that simple and that direct. No amount of money is worth the hassles that will come from trying to force it. It rarely happens to me because I make sure to qualify them [by "qualify" I mean that I need to be reasonably certain--over 85% certain--that I can be of service to them effectively and assist them in getting what they want]. But if and when it does happen, I do exactly what is stated above.

2. I would like to know how much thought you have gave to the notion of not permitting the person to wait before making the decision. I have develop a philosophical principle so to say that I should not decide any big amount of money sale on my first contact with the sales person. I has served me well in the past for I have examples of things that now I am really glad I haven’t bought and I have examples of things that each day that passed until I bought it my motivation to get it just kept rising and so did my faith in the product and the sales person. Someone who urges me to make a decision right then always strucks me as wanting to sell. But when someone is confident in their product enough not force to make a decision it may well be that I am there in the next day to “open the relationship”.

It is a great question. It is also a very common one, so I am glad to finally address it publicly.

In my business, people come to me wanting certain mental habits resolved, e.g.; fear, anger, anxiety, etc. They want other things too, but they know they want these negative habit patterns. If they go away to think about it, then they will start to have those same mental habit patterns that they have come to me to resolve take over. I have then essentially failed my first test as their Guide.

Now, if the business we some business other than the one I am in, then sure. But with my business, what serves them best is to have them sign when they are clearest on my presentation, and are clearest as to the benefits. That means in that session.

It has nothing to do with levels of confidence in my offering. Rather confidence in what will happen when they leave–and I simply tell them that all up front and directly. They agree in most all cases. They know it is the truth.

I think it is also critical that they never feel “pressured”. They never do. I often will simply shrug when I tell them the above. I say it casually, in a relaxed manner, with nothing for them to resist. I am never attached to someone signing. If they sign under pressure, the sale might drop off. That serves no one.

When the reason for signing is a simple truth they know to be true, and I am coming from that place of service, it just has them all the more convinced I can [and do] help them.

It is also hard to argue with 97.7% [my current opening ratio averaged for the last 3 years with 220 prospects with a significant commitment to a 6-month agreement ]. If my ratio were lower, I might look there first.

My wife recently went to an English language school and what threw her off was exactly that. All the reasons they had for making her sign a 2 year agreement right in that moment. What ended up happening was that she found another school in which she didn’t felt pressured to make rash decisions.

I must say that I would be feeling better if I could have the time I want to ponder and then acquire the product, EVEN if that meant not taking the advantage of a special discount for on the moment decision. I would gladly pay 10% or whatever more to have the time to decide for myself if I want the product or if I was just influenced by the momentum of the salesman and the occasion.

I really hope you truly give this a thought and not just answer in your answer/question mode on how to do something, for I would like to know that you can relate to this concern.

To be clear for other listeners, I do not offer a discount for making a decision at any point. I do offer a 10% discount for payment in full, but there is no monetary incentive for the decision itself. I think that would cloud things and would not serve the client.

As far as your wife and that situation goes, if she felt pressured, then they were not coming from service–but rather wanting to reach an objective. I am sorry to hear she had that experience, and to me, it simply means it was not a fit. That was also a life-altering decision in many respects, and should be carefully considered so wanting time should be allowed. I have had clients refuse to decide in the session, and I simply stay very engaged with them until they do make a choice [one way or the other] so we are partnered; I make sure I am very available for any questions or concerns as they arise over the next day or so. But that is a very rare exception to the general policy for the reasons stated below and above, summarized as it simply does not serve them to go and “think about it” as their thinking usually has them needing my services to one degree or another.

As far as this particular strategy, I have considered it and reconsidered it for years. That is not to say that I am not considering it carefully now; more to say that it is always open for review. All of my techniques are.

Usually, when it arises as an issue for the client,  I ask them two questions:

1. Is this concern [fear, indecision, etc.] the concern that stops them in other areas of their life. In other words, is this one of the issues they need resolution on. If yes, I let them sort it out and they usually simply sign the contract. If they  say no …
2. I ask them, “how heavily would you like me to leverage you here on a scale from 1 to 10? What would best serve you?”

They answer and I do just that. If they say do not leverage me at all, well, I don’t. If they ask me to, I do to the degree they ask for it. If the answer to question 1 is yes, and it is signifigant for them, I have to stay with that. Again, if it is a limitation in their life they have come to me to resolve, I would not be serving them if I let it run their life in this situation as too. AND I am transparent about all of this to them [and heck, now it is here for them to read. Heh.]

In Service and in Transparency,

Jason

UPDATE: Free evening on Evolutionary Sales April 28th in San Francisco. Details HERE:

http://tinyurl.com/clbnek

As a holistic practitioner, you are sensitive to dynamics that do not feel right and you truly want to be of service to your prospective clients. You correctly want to make sure they never feel pressured.

At the same time, if you have been in business for yourself for any length of time, you have come to realize that if you do not assist them in overcoming their concerns and their fears or limitations in thinking, you will never be able to assist them in realizing the life they have always wanted, dreamed of, and perhaps have come to you to assist them in finally achieving. In a sense, that is your first test as their coach, guide, or service provider in the helping industries.

At the same time, if you do not have financial sustainability, you will not be able to serve for very long before your own concerns of thriving and prospering come into play. In a word, you need to learn to SELL–but sell without compromising your values of service, contribution, and ethics.

I hated sales until I realized how necessary it was. I still begrudged it until after a decade, I developed Evolutionary Sales. A platform and system that solves all of the problems above while increasing conversion rates. A platform so clean you can be transparent with the prospective client about the motivations for each and every sales technique.

Integrating Eastern spiritual sensibilities and Western tools of influence and market economics–all coming from a platform of service and contribution.

Each and every concern most people have about sales is completely resolved by this system.

Let me give it to you for free. That is what this evening intro is about…

More details [including when and where]  HERE:
http://tinyurl.com/clbnek

In Service,

Jason