One of the aspects of working on and in the context of personal evolution is that I am constantly in evolution in both senses of the word–”in it”, as in exploring the context and in the process of my own personal evolution as well–because you see, it is never over. Our evolution, which is really about allowing the greatest depths of ourselves to unfold and manifest in the world, is never over–because our depths are infinite. If who we are is a manifestation of the divine–an outpouring of Spirit, and the Kingdom of God is Within [and I believe it is] than there is no end to uncovering, clearing, and allowing that beauty to unfold in the world.

And I never ask my clients to do anything I have not done myself and am applying in my own life. Period. As such, this post is a little more personal for me to demonstrate that.

After my divorce, and the year long self-reflection that followed, I realized that for the most part, what consistently happened in my romantic relating was a zero-sum type of dynamic. That at the end of my relationship with a woman, she was tangibly more empowered, more comfortable with herself, more fully embodied, and proud of her womanhood.

Partly because it was my constant practice to be sure she felt loved, had per positive qualities acknowledged somehow on an actual daily basis [not the same ones, but what authentically struck me in the moment as I appreciated her at some point], that she not only had a daily reminder, with full connection and presence of my love for her [and what I loved about her and why] but that she blushed with my acknowledgments.

It was conscious. Intentional. And the relating really cost me dearly. I was psychically drained, more dis-empowered, and frankly, less of a man by the end. It was, in fact, a zero-sum game.

It was not the things I was doing that drained me. They were rewarding to just do it. It was the lack of any reciprocal expression, I think. And I other things they did that I lacked facility around.

The contrast had never been so great than after my divorce–and the dynamics never so clear as in that marriage.

Now, I never planned it that way, but once I noticed it after the divorce, I ended up having a zero-tolerance policy for romantic relating that was not about synergistic upward spirals where both people were winning–and the relating was winning too. A triple win game. Both parties were winning–AND the actual relating was winning too. It is healthier for me to just be alone and fully empowered McClain-Ness than to be in unfulfilling and relating that ultimately cost me energetically. Although it took me a while to adjust to that, and sadly there was one relationship in which she ended up being drained…but it is all a process–and sometimes that is about the pendulum swinging the other way before it swings back the middle to finally rest upon the golden mean.

But back to zero-sum…

Let’s face it–people who have little or no self-respect choose bad and even abusive relationships over being alone. Me? I would rather wake up alone, be in the company of just myself, than be in an unhealthy or un-fulfilling relationship. And I never have [and never will] just go from one relationship to another. Takes at least 6 months or so for self-reflection and the integration of the learnings before we can be responsible with another’s heart, But that is all romantic…

Six years later, I am just now getting to really make sure that is generalized into all relating–not just romantic.

This is all part of how I have been consciously going through ALL of my friendships, free of sentimentality or attachment, and shrewdly examining if they are rich, dynamic, healthy, and fulfilling–or if they are just habits. And then explicitly ending the friendship or deepening and continuing the friendship with more connection, engagement, and intentionality. Regardless of how much I love the individual I am in the friendship with I may be ending. The relating must also be fulfilling. and one of the most important things for me that has the relating fulfilling is emotional engagement…rather than fear and detachment. But real engagement–yet also free of identification or enmeshment.

SOMETIMES that means me making decisions for other people when their relating with me is not serving THEM. I used to refuse to do so, thinking I was availing them of the growth opportunity to declare boundaries, make those choices themselves, develop confidence in communicating their needs, etc. But given that most people are deficient in true esteem for the self, and self-respect [part of which is demonstrated by drawing boundaries] is one of the core components of esteem for the self [along with self-efficacy] but I stopped doing that. I am now quite comfortable making choices for others when they continually demonstrate they incompetent to do for themselves–so long as it is about relating with me.

That is quite enough of the why and the what. But what about the “how” Jason?

It is all about values and forms.

One of the exercises I have clients do in Phase 2 of the Personal Evolution program [and occasionally in the professional evolution program as well] is a full life, all context examination of what is important to them [values] and how they would know if it were being experienced by them; what would they be seeing, feeling hearing, doing, and experiencing that would prover to them they were experiencing value X, Y, or Z? Conflict often happens in the form [which is why politicians are scant on policy papers before the election]. Values [freedom, security, justice] are things that everyone can agree on–we all want that. The HOW of carrying them out? Conflict arises sure as the sun also rises.

So in seeking friendships or romantic relating, it is not enough to express that “communication” is important to us. For some that will mean asking about your day. For others that will mean that if you are bothered by something, no matter how small, you share your internal process. Communication is the value, but the form is different.

Anytime we are upset, barring an unresolved event from the past or a pervasive self-esteem issue, we must look to values. So this becomes a tool for elegant communication to have your needs expressed [and met] as well. One that avoids conflict or having the other person be wrong. One that has intimacy and a deeper level of understanding arise.

But that is a story for another time.

For now, do this:

Take 3 major contexts in your life [romantic, career, community] as ask your self what is important to you in those contexts. You will know it is a “value” if it is conceptual, abstract. If you can put it in a wheelbarrow or touch it or smell it, it is NOT a value, but a form. To “chunk up” higher to the value, ask, “what’s important to me about that?” If you are looking at forms, then it MUST be able to be put in a wheelbarrow–measured, touched, observed. If it can not, and it is an abstract value, then you can “chunk down” to the form by asking, “If I were experiencing _______ how would I know? What would I be seeing, feeling, hearing? What would my evidence be?”

I recommend 3 to 5 values in each context. And for each value, 3 forms or pieces of tangible evidence of that value being realized in the context.

The truth is that if you do this exercise, you might be terribly confronted by the relationship or the career you are in–or you will be relieved to have a conscious and explicit answer as to why you are not fulfilled–or you are drained, or their is conflict you can not understand.

If you are not in one of those context currently [you are single, or you are laid off, or looking for a gig] then this becomes a wonderful tool to overlay onto the person or organization. So you can consciously choose a relationship or organization that truly and consciously suits your values. Otherwise, the spiritual costs are immeasurable. No matter how great the compensation package, or how much chemistry, the spiritual costs of un-fulfilling contexts [where your values are not fulfilled] are immeasurable.

At the same time, be cautious that you are assessing others *through time*. If you only have a snap shot of them, and you are saying they do not suit you personally or professionally, you may be more living out a stage 1, low self-esteem ego game by being right and “justified” than by actually seeing a conflict of values, but that is also another story for another time.

Choose the conscious, fulfilling path. I beg of you, for you and for your Spiritual expression. while this may seem liek a lot of work, it is even more of a burden–and more insidiously so–to be in unfulfilling contexts.

So, ask yourself ::: are you in a habit, or in a relationship?

Communication, Uncategorized, emotions, inter-personal dynamics, intra-personal dynamics, organizing principles, relationships, self-esteem detachment, emotional freedom, facility with self, identification, organizing principles, self-esteem

As I have written recently, there has been a shift in the marketplace. In the 20th Century marketplace sales people talked about “closing deals” at best. At worst they talked about “shooting their prospects down like they were ducks in a shooting gallery”. This is not exactly a metaphor we should be living into as we evolve as a culture–and not a metaphor the leading edge of the marketplace will any longer support in the profit centers of the global marketplace, or the Functioning Core, as Dr. Thomas Barnett would say.

I actually had a CEO [my boss] one time tell me that I should “pound their door down” to get a meeting. While people who watch me walk often ask if I was a football player, I responded: “how ’bout I dance my way through it?” He barked back: “I don’t care how you do it, just get the client!”

That CEO had a team of incredibly skilled top producers from other organizations. All of us were highly developed and into personal development as a lifestyle. Some of us had already led courses–even though we were barely 30 years old. We all left for other endeavors as a result of his management style. Not long after the company was in disarray and its assets and database had to be liquidated. That process only took two years once he had assumed control and had the sales team report directly to him.

Welcome to the 21st Century Marketplace. Evolve and come from a foundation of support and contribution, or wither away.

I have even recently heard sales trainers speak of manipulating your clients or “hypnotic” sales and other language that speaks of your treating prospects and clients as if they were objects, rather than a trusted adviser and powerful guide in improving their life, department, results, etc. Rather than a guide in assisting them in making their own dreams a reality. This subject-object way of relating to people is old thinking and it is sales for the last century.

I talked at length in the prologue about this shift in the marketplace–as well as the foundation you need to come from to be at the forefront of sales professionals and the evolving 21st Century Marketplace. Be sure you have listened to that prologue to get the most from the Evolutionary Sales podcasts. You may even considering listening to it over and over again.

In Episode 1 and 2, I talk about your emotional foundation and give you powerful tools that have been developed over the last 30 plus years to rapidly shift your emotional state to be of service to your clients and prospects. Not that your life still will not have ups and downs–it will–but you will be able to more rapidly move through them. Move through them more rapidly than many people even think possible.

And for what purpose?

Obviously, so you can produce greater results. But for what purpose? And what is “Evolutionary Sales”? Evolutionary Sales is defined as such: “inspiring another toward their vision of what is possible, and using advanced tools to leverage them beyond their limitations”. Once you are in service of a vision of what is possible with your product or service that comes from their own mouth, it then becomes your duty to leverage them beyond their limitations. That, my friends, is Evolutionary Sales.

This foundation allows you to use some of the most influential linguistic and interpersonal dynamic skills currently available while still being of service to them–and they will feel, see, hear, smell, and taste the difference. At least for now. I envision a time in the not-so-distant future when truly effective sales professionals and trusted advisers will need to be capable of truly trans-personal states. But that is another story for another time.

Why should you care? You may already be very good at motivating and influencing people such that you prosper well. The reason you shoul care is if you are already good, you will inherently be involved in improving, developing, and yes, evolving your self. But even beyond that, you will feel more fulfilled and frankly happier if come form the deeper structure of the Evolutionary Sales Process.

That is the purpose. To have a more fulfilling experience for yourself and provide a more fulfilling experience for your clients and prospects. Move from success to signifigance. Move from subject-object thinking to relational thinking. Move from the 20th Century Marketplace to the 21st Century Marketplace.

Want to start now? Subscribe to these podcasts. Don’t want to wait a year to get all the information? Buy Evolutionary Sales now and own the whole system as well as an opportunity to have me coach you directly on how to integrate it into your daily sales practices. Whether your challenge is how to be comfortable on the phone or how to increase your opening [used to be close] ratio, I would be honored to be your Guide.

Communication, Evolutionary Sales, Purpose, emotions, inter-personal dynamics, relationships, sales and marketing tips, spirituality evolutionary, marketing, nlp, sales, web 2.0

Communication, Podcasts: Evolutionary Radio, audio, inter-personal dynamics, relationships Communication, enneagram, hypnosis, nlp

Be sure to see parts one, two, and three here, here, and here respectively.

In this piece we will examine the assumptions that lead to guilt, the structure of shame, and the antidotes to both.

Guilt

Q: “I often feel guilty for things I have done.”
A: [S.N. Geonka ] “Guilt has no place in Dhamma [the path to enlightenment or ‘the law of nature’].”

I assert that guilt serves no purpose in inter-personal relations. No legitimate purpose.

Some say “if the person feels guilty or remorseful, then I can be assured they will not repeat this terrible wrong they committed against me” or “ I am assured of their good character”.

Is this accurate? Let’s examine this together.

Sharon slept with another man, violating the monogamous covenant she shared with her husband. She felt “bad” and out of guilt, told him the truth. She swore it would never happen again. Seeing how badly she felt, her husband felt assured this would not happen again and stayed with her and the marriage commitment. A few years later, Sharon was unfaithful a second time and in fact, carried on an affair with another man. This time she felt she best not be honest with her husband. How many chances would he give her, really? Unfortunately, he found out about it through some carelessness of hers and some direct questioning which followed. Again, she was authentically remorseful and felt guilty for misleading and breaking her husband’s trust—she did not feel bad just for getting caught, rather she felt authentically guilty for what she had done. They separated, sought counseling, and eventually divorced.

Far from Sharon being a fiction of my mind for the purpose of illustration, this story is real, and the name has been changed. And, this is just one example of many I could give of patterns of behavior, remorse or guilt, and repetition of the problem behavior.

Guilt is unreliable [at best] as a guarantee of future behavior. We have all seen people apologize and be guilt-ridden, yet commit the same acts repeatedly.

I go so far in my own relations as to let people know very clearly that their guilt and apologies hold no currency with me. I WANT them to feel free emotionally about any “wrong” they may have committed against me. At the same time, I may not want them to commit the same act against me again—I do want assurance of a shift in behavior and an honest and earnest intention by them to do so through learning. For that, guilt does not help. In fact, it is a hindrance What is simply needed is their acknowledgement of the mistake and their pledge to not commit the act again. If it happens repeatedly, then there are practical choices to be made: do we continue to invest time and energy with this individual? Read more…

emotions, inter-personal dynamics, intra-personal dynamics, relationships detachment, ego, emotional freedom, identification, identity, vipassanna

[Note: While this is not a discussion of egoic development, we can not stress enough the foundational necessity of true esteem for the self for emotional freedom. So many upsets, be they anger upsets, shame, fear, etc., can be traced to a lack of esteem for the self—that is pre-rational or early-rational egoic development. From anger to shame, the variable of one’s egoic developmental stage is undeniably an important factor. But that is another discussion for another time. I have written briefly about egoic stage development and will occasionally refer to these distinctions in this discussion.]

Be sure to see parts one and two here and here, respectively.

Now that we have covered interpretations and extrapolated meanings, what of specific dynamics within each emotion? What of anger? Resentment? Guilt? Shame? What other variables lead to negative emotions aside from lower egoic development? For it is through this knowledge, using our self-reflexive awareness and meta-cognition, that we can notice these dynamics as they are happening, and choose a different path.
Anger. Anger has at least two components.

• Indicator of a crossed boundary
• Blame

Often anger is “just-ified”. That is, with respect to justice, we are “right” in being angry. Maybe someone has violated our person or property. Perhaps they have broken an agreement. Perhaps they have deceived us intentionally. We have little choice around the action of others. They will do what they do, as we are all on our own path. However, when we are angry, often we are blaming them for what they have done. This is different and separate from holding them accountable, which is appropriate, but goes further into a game of pre-rational ego.

Let’s say that I had my car stereo stolen. I come out in the morning and I notice it gone and the dashboard area around where it was previously installed is damaged. I call the police and I wait seething in my anger. “what a low-life thief”, I say to myself along with numerous other colorful expletives.

Once the police come they ask me a few questions: “Do you have a car alarm?” Yes, I tell them. “did you hear it go off last night?” No, I tell them, regrettably I did not set it last night. “Were the car locks damaged?” No, I tell them…the car was unlocked…
We can quickly see where this is going. While the crime of the stolen stereo is indeed a crime and may be punished and is an unfortunate violation of my person by the extension of my property, the responsibility is mine to lock my vehicle, set my alarm, and care that my car is secured. Once I begin to take responsibility by asking the two key questions:

• How am I responsible
• What can I learn or gain from this that will allow me to release the anger completely?

The blame will dissolve and the anger will begin to fade away. Read more…

emotions, events, inter-personal dynamics, relationships

[If these I.D.E.A.s interest you, be sure to attend this event.]

–

Have you ever experienced the spark and inspiration of synergy? Of course. We all have. It is part of what drives us to want to be in relationship. Whether it is the muse of romance or the creativity that comes form a new business partnership, or the increased power of community and intentionality…we strive for synergy. And yet do we always experience synergy in relationship? Of course not. And at the other end of the spectrum we experience conflict.

There are so many approaches to relationships in these post-post-modern times. Not only are there different forms of relating that have become socially tolerated, if not often fully culturally acceptable, but also, so many ways which we can experience those forms, depending on our evolutionary stage of development.

At the same time, there is a way to approach relating with another human being that is most responsible, takes a fuller view into account, and provides balance, insight, and wisdom.

That approach is to view all relating as quantum relating.

In the quantum world in which we live, do one and one always equal two? No. They do not. Conduct this simple experiment: place one gallon of pure grain alcohol in a container with one gallon of distilled water. It will never equal two gallons. It will never equal two gallons because of the way the two properties interact.

So it is with people and with relationships. If two people come together and they experience synergy, then one and one equal more than two; “greater than the sum of its parts”. If two people come together and they experience conflict, then one and one equal less than two: conflict. We think because we know “one” and we know “one” and one and one equals two that we therefore know “two”. However we forgot to conduct a study of “and”.

Quantum relating is about understanding the “and”. Read more…

Communication, ego, inter-personal dynamics, relationships

[Note to the reader: as this series is comprised of excerpts from a book draft, is it not meant to be complete. Some ideas will be developed and others will be left for a later time. Moreover, some of you who are familiar with my work will wonder why I am not covering a certain concept or other. This is for the same reason. It is my hope that in revealing these excerpts free to you now, that these I.D.E.A.s may begin to make a difference in your life...even now.]

*if you have not yet read Part 1: Emotional Imprisonment, you can find it here.

Once we have taken full responsibility for our emotional life and reactions, the next step is to accept and educate ourselves to the fact that our experience is not some amorphous mass—that it has structure. This is one part education and once educated, one hundred parts exercise and daily practice.

It is important to note here that developing facility is not a matter of acquiring this skill or that skill and then you suddenly “have facility”. In technical terms, it is not a binary or digital experience; it is not on or off. It is an analog experience; it is experienced in varying degrees. It is like building a muscle. When building a muscle, you go to the gym or work in some way you have never worked before. At first, you can lift a small amount of weight. After trying this new behavioral pattern, you may be sore. Some people give up at this point. They say, “Oh—this muscle building business is not for me”, and they go back to their old habit patterns. However, for those who continue to work at it, they notice they can handle ever-increasing levels of weight or demonstrate more endurance. They become stronger and are able to handle more.

Eventually they lift large amounts of weight with seemingly little effort. So it is with facility with self. Read more…

emotions, inter-personal dynamics, intra-personal dynamics, relationships

There is often talk in developmental, transformational, and alternative communities about how polyamorous and/or “open” relationships are more “evolved”. More evolved than…say the conventional forms of monogamy and marriage.

This is an easy trap to fall into, as poly- relationship forms are certainly post-conventional. There was a time when I agreed with this thinking. I used to think polyamory [distinct from what I often see which is “poly-sexual”] was the more “evolved” as is it beyond traditional structures [trans-rational and post-conventional] and by its very nature requires, and often demands advanced communication skills, a solid sense of self, a lack of attachment and more spontaneous and flexible structures than monogamy. Plainly put—it is more challenging.

But that is if it is played clean, which is all well and good on paper…but how often are poly- relationships played clean and played well? Well, not often. In my experience, they are sometimes a morass of jealousy, fear, anger, heartbreak, etc. Additionally, the truth is, monogamy requires other sets of skill development which while different, are equally as challenging. AND monogamy requires all the aforementioned sets of skills and development if it is to be done well and stay alive and thrive. That is to say, high self-esteem and a solid sense of self, advanced communication skills, and agreements between the parties that allow for play and spontaneity as well as growth and evolution within the relationship itself.

So…my thinking has since shifted. I do not think we can assess depth and evolution, using any developmental stage conception, based on form and be accurate very often. Just using the simple three-stage model I often employ of pre-rational or pre-conventional, rational or conventional, and trans-rational or post-conventional, we can see very quickly that the idea of form does not map across to any stage or level.

Here is the crux of my current thinking. Read more…

inter-personal dynamics, relationships

Who am I? Who are you? Who are we? Do I “know” you?

The ultimate spiritual practice is dis-identifying with that which we think is us—objects in our awareness. It may be our possessions. It may be our finances. It may be our looks. It may be our intelligence. It may be our social reputation. It may be our behaviors, our sexual orientation, our beliefs, or ideas. And yet we are none of that.

As the Buddhists would say—we are the pure witness. As Mark Michael Lewis would say—“We are not [XYZ], we are that which is experiencing [all of it]”. As Ken Wilber would say—“[You are] the witness, the original face you had before you were born—before the big bang…is not a thing or an object. It is a feeling…an atmosphere”.

I would agree with all of that—indeed, the ultimate spiritual practice is dis-identifying with that which you think is you—anything other than pure awareness—pure witness, and add: before we can dis-identify, we must first recognize when we are identified—when we have a case of mistaken identity. Yet even before we can recognize this, we must have developed self-reflexive awareness.

Simple, but not easy, as in the moment [any moment] when we are in our experience, we are often IN our experience—That is to say our experience has us, we do not have it. AND, to the degree we have built the muscle of self awareness and self-reflection by being able to take our very self and make it an object in our awareness is the degree to which we have choice.

Even further, to the degree that we have “meta-cognition”—that is the ability to think about our thinking—is the degree to which we have choice around our thinking. And as most of you know, how we think about something creates our emotional experience around it. The more we exercise and build the muscle of witnessing, the more we move from misery to emotional choice and finally to emotional freedom.

How do we know if we are identified? If you imagine anything being taken away from you and you experience a high degree of fear or anxiety—or if it has been taken away from you and you are in grief or misery—you are identified. You have a case of mistaken identity [or a “confusion of identify location” as I like to phrase it]–and you are identified with something other than who you truly are—pure witness; radical spirit; God.

Yet we judge ourselves [and often go into shame] when we do not attain what we think we should with the objects in our awareness. We are judging our degree of success with them as us—as our very Self.

All this is sad enough, yet we don’t stop there do we? We go even further and we judge others [and indulge in self-righteousness] with the same case of mistaken identity. We judge them for their dress, their speech, their intelligence, their attractiveness [or lack thereof], their possessions, status, sexual orientation, political affiliations or positions, etc. etc., etc.

While it sometimes makes sense to judge behaviors [and even at times to insist they stop or are dealt with from a justice standpoint] we do not judge just the behaviors—we judge the being at their core for a behavior. Something external to who they are truly. This is all too easy to do and too often indulged in to feel superior or reinforce our fears or…

The bottom line is that collapsing behaviors [or any other object in our awareness] with identity is a gross confusion of logical levels. To do it to ourselves creates misery in one form or another. To do it to others allows us to feel superior or reinforce our self-indulgent fears—or both.

To free yourself from this trap is the ultimate spiritual practice.
To do so means taking on five simple steps:

1. Develop self-reflexive awareness
2. Notice how you are thinking about yourself or others [meta-cognition] and whether it serves your ultimate happiness
and thrival
3. Recognize when you are identified [fear, anxiety, misery, loss, or grief in specific contexts]
4. Notice that it is not really you—there is the noticer—behind what you are aware of is that which is aware. This is you.
5. Take this on as a daily spiritual practice

And as an additional exercise, step into the belief that we are all in evolution and are therefore always deepening and changing and therefore we never really “know” anyone. As a result we must take on the practice of continually updating our internal representations [our interpretations] of others. Continually looking to increase and update our accuracy in who we think they are. But that is another thought to flesh out at another time.

May you be happy and free.

–

For more on dis-identification, read The Key in the Darkness, which can be found at The Priest and the Punk.

emotions, inter-personal dynamics, intra-personal dynamics, relationships, spirituality

On the path of Personal Evolution, as we continue to deepen—to evolve—our relationship to our sexuality deepens as well. It may be more accurate to say that our already existing depths are revealed to a greater and greater degree. What this means to you is that as a consciously evolving being, your experience of sexuality [both your own and that of your communion with another] will shift, change, and evolve as well.

As usual, this experience ranges from unconscious to conscious to super-conscious. From pre-rational, to rational, to trans-rational. From shallow to deep to deeply reflective and inspiring. From instinct to intellect to intuition. From body to mind to soul with each level transcending and including the former. From “getting laid” to “partnering” to having “spiritual communion” with each level solving the challenges of the level previously experienced while creating new, more complex challenges to be resolved by the next level.

And so on.

Jeff wanted to get laid. Often. He would go out to bars and “pick up on lovelies”. After years of “putting notches in his belt” Jeff finally felt unfulfilled, but he did not know why. Jeff had reached the limit of his capacities to behave unconsciously around his sexuality. His new depth now required more. He felt this in his bones, but could not name it other than to say he was “tired of the game”.

Sondra had a childhood fantasy of her Knight in Shining Armor. Since she was 5 she dreamed of her fantasy wedding. How her dress would be. How he would look—kissing her with his strong jaw line jutting forth like a marble statue of a god. And after her wedding–which looked just perfect—she was unhappy. When she made love to her husband—who was perfectly handsome—she did not feel connected to him. Not long after he did not seem to desire her as much. She had reached the limits of the gifts of her fantasy. It took a spiritual teacher to ask her if she had consciously chosen all the trappings of her fantasy. Did she? Or was she living off of the promises of that first bridal magazine she saw when she was five years old? She became more conscious. She began to consciously design her life. Communicating this to her husband lovingly and openly perhaps saved her marriage.

Steve was willing to wait for the right woman. He wanted a woman that demonstrated his values. A true partner who would make a good mother, provide him an oasis at home, yet was strong in herself and was her “own person” and was, well, gorgeous. Steve wanted a woman who did not “need” him, but who would lovingly “choose” him. He eventually found her in his mid-thirties. Their sexual relationship continued to deepen and enrich their lives and partnership, for the more he was around her, the more he loved her, the more he respected her, and the more she turned him on as a result.

Steve chose consciously and rationally and reaped the rewards a result.

Rachael was in love. However she was “in love” as a result of the continued deepening of the Self and the spiritual communion she experienced with her lover. He did not look the way she thought “her man” would look. He did not have the “right kind of job” her parents wanted her partner to have. However, he demonstrated openness and love and truly cherished her. And they had a mutually agreed upon approach to resolving conflict in their relationship; they took it on a as a spiritual practice. They viewed their sexual relations in the same manner—as a spiritual practice. As communion with God. Rachael and her lover were choosing trans-rationally. They evolved all the more rapidly as a result.

For someone at any of these levels of depth or evolution, the previous level no longer fulfills them. It will not support their happiness. While the level above provides opportunities for further stretching and evolution. Of course, if one is at a pre-rational level and meets someone at a trans-rational level, they will either be confused by their approach to the world, or be deeply hurt, or stretched beyond their capacities, and thereby in further danger of possible regression, rather than transcendence to the next level. One step at a time. Skipping the rational level will not help, it will hurt, as it is the rational that provides the foundational structures for a truly trans-rational game; a game of spirituality, intuition, openness and grace. And while this piece is intended to be focused on sex and sexual relations, there is a part of you even now beginning to generalize these concepts appropriately. Filling your mind with a rich map for Getting to Grace.

Remember—you are in a process. Your consciousness is ever evolving. The question is: “are you evolving consciously or unconsciously”.

The choice, as always, is yours. What will you choose?

relationships