Over at the Ultimate Self Blog,  Liliane Rausch muses about unconditional love and asks:

Correct me if I am wrong, but we all want to be loved unconditionally. According to Maslow, our primary needs in life are food, shelter and safety and I agree, but how about adding unconditional love to that list? Isn’t it the best thing in the world to be accepted for whom U are, even when that special person in your life finds out all of our not-so-very-nice-and-cute habits?

And ends with this query:

When and how does unconditional love and friendship become conditional?

I think both questions are worth exploring. For me, the answer to the first is pretty straight forward: unconditional love is a kind of emotional safety. It provides food and shelter for our hearts, in a way. That safety is something we can relax into, and then expand into. Something that allows us to unfold–and assists us in exposing more of our Divine Self [or Ultimate Self, if you prefer].

And yes, Maslow seemed to be missing that one.

Sadly, though, it takes an advanced stage of egoic development for all love to not be transactional or conditional. For most, if they do XYZ, we stop loving them–until we reach an integral [or beyond] stage of egoic emotional development, where we can separate the door from the heart–if they abuse you, or simply do something you can not tolerate, you may leave out of self respect, but you can still love them unconditionally. That is an advanced stage of development.

So I would turn the question on its head: under what conditions can love become unconditional? How do we develop ourselves such that a stage of loving is possible where it is not tied to performance, mood, or goods. And once that is answered, how do we accelerate the process for ourselves and others–in service of creating a better world?

That is the place we should all strive to get to [and deepen to].

ego, emotions, inter-personal dynamics, self-esteem ego, emotions, inter-personal dynamics, love